I know Im not supposed to be moping, which Im kinda not. I dont know. I feel weird. Sad but at the same time rather content with things, its an odd feeling. I try to not think about the things that bothers me.

Also its probably mainly my fault seeing as I push away people from me, of course they will be avoiding and not talking to me. Feels like no one around me, family or so, cares. But its probably just because Im sick and I want attention. Hahah. IDEK. Is that to much that Im asking for?

But still. I dont demand much. Why do I have to be the one making calls all the time? Why cant people ever call me and, oh I dont know, ask how things are. Im the one to do that, most of the time. If they call, all they want is favors.
Why do I have to get yelled at when Ive never done anything wrong? All I ever try is to please the world around me.
I miss my sister. Shes still here around of course. But shes so occupied with everything in her life that she cant be bothered. I used to talk to her everytime I felt like sharing problems or talking about things that bothers me. Now she doesnt have time to listen and.. Well its like another door have closed. So its a bit frustrating for me to not be able to talk to her about things like that anymore. But I get it at the same time, I mean I cant trouble her the rest of her life with my small problems. Shes having her hands full 24/7 with all her kids and so on.

Im not feeling that bad actually. I know why I feel depressed, which makes it easier to deal with.
And then theres the fever and nauseousness that doesnt seem to want to leave me. I feel so dizzy. But I never get sick, unless I stress or panic about something, which I have been doing, so guess this is a good way for my body to force me to stay home and relax. Sorta.

I dont feel like eating, Ive had times like these before, several times, but Im suspecting its getting worse, I have no apetite whatsoever right now. And soon as I think or smell food I feel like puking. Either its just the fact that Im sick, though Ive had this feeling several days, or its because Im starting to get some food problems. But I feel like eating sometimes.
IDEK. I hate doctors, so I wont be visiting anyone of them anytime soon. Its just stressing to visiting them, they have serious lack of social skills at the place where I go. I dont think Ive ever felt so uncomfortable. OTL I also feel like Im making a big deal out of nothing, like a paranoid person, so therefore Im always like "Im sorry I wasted your time, this is probably nothing ahaha Ill go home now, kthnxbye" OTL

Anyway. Im not sure. I think its the fever and that I miss people around me, people I push away because I, at the same time, want to be alone. I dont even know what Im doing anymore.

I just feel incredible weak cause of the fever. xD And I guess I would like it if people actually called me and checked up on me, see how I was doing. =v= But I guess that aint happening. Oh well I still have mama neye and mama whimsy to tell me to remember to eat food hahaha xD <3 I promise I will eat today. Im actually heading out to get food right now. Seee? All good. And then Im gonna take my medecine and drink a lot of water, then deal with the rest of the AT stuff. I love AT for keeping me occupied with everything. I have so much fun planning events and fixing things. IDEK. I want a job like this, where I just can draw and come up with stories and characters. That would be awesome. Someone, god or idk, fix me this job plz//shot



And if my friend ever reads this Im sorry for neglecting you. I dont mean to. I just.. I dont feel all right. Im sorry. Ill try get better soon QvQ <3